Dear Lovely Couple with a Sweet Little Girl and a Baby on the Way,
I would formally like to apologize for scaring the peewads out of you at dinner last night. I'm sorry you had to see my baby cry and cry in my arms as my three year old son poked me incessantly as I repeatedly told him to stop as I stared longingly at my plate of uneaten food (did I mention it was my only cheat meal from my diet in a LONG TIME). I'm sorry you had to see my one year old dip the same chip in salsa over and over again and attempt to feed himself until his little shirt was covered in salsa from his neck to his belly button. I regret that you had to overhear our theories on why the baby was crying like crazy which included "maybe her teeth hurt" and "well, maybe her tummy is hurting...her poop was pretty hard this morning" and "yes, I think her tummy hurts because she USUALLY doesn't act like her bottle is filled with poison."
I apologize that you had to see my husband take our 7 year old daughter and 3 year old son to the bathroom in the middle of dinner only to come back to the table and have my 3 year old announce very loudly, "MOM, I'VE GOT TO POOP." To which I said, "Ok...just a minute." To which he said even louder, "MOM I'VE GOT TO GO POOP NOW." I'm very sorry.
I knew when you guys were looking at us like a couple of deer in the headlights that you were picturing your impending future dinners. Don't worry...it isn't always that bad. Sometimes we can get through a whole meal without a bathroom break. Sometimes we can leave the baby sleeping soundly in her car seat. Sometimes the 3 year old can keep his finger and his announcements about bodily functions to himself. Sometimes the our 7 year old can contain herself from yelling "STOP IT." to her brothers every 7 seconds. Really, it can happen. Sure. That's right. Uh huh. Yep, I'm really telling the truth. Do you believe me yet? Me neither.
The truth is it is hard to parent multiple children. Once you are outnumbered, they have a tendency to gang up on you. Tag team or group naughtiness becomes an art form and you have to separate them just to regain control at times. Good thing most parents think their children are cute. God knew what he was doing there. I'll be honest with you, there have been times that my children's "cuteness" has been the only thing to save his or her hind-end from the "wrath of mommy."
So, I'm sorry if we scared you. That is just the way it is sometimes. My advice to you...relish these last 3 weeks or so of the two of you outnumbering your child. Good luck to you with your new baby. And remember when you DO have a meal like ours (and you will), think of us and all the other parents in the world with multiple children and know you are not alone. It happens to all of us. The only thing to do is pray that they grow out of it and find a really good babysitter until they do.
The Crazy Mother of the Four Crazy Children at the Next Table at the Restaurant Last Night